[announcer in hushed voice]
I’m here on an island off the coast of New Jersey called Manhattan, a place the locals call “The City”, in search of Homo bronxbomberii, otherwise known as the New York City Yankees fan. I should be able to find them in quantity here, as according to custom, tonight is when their deity, Alexrodriguez, does combat with a deity from another land; if I’m not mistaken, the other deity is known to the inhabitants of Philadelphia. The followers of Alexrodriguez are easily seen by their bright blue and white plumage. It’s only 6:30 in the evening, so I might not get a look until later, when they gather en masse to honor their god in battle.
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It’s about 7 in the evening now, and I am surrounded by H. bronx, characterized by the blatant disregard for others in the Homo genus. It’s fascinating how these beings will make their way through a group of Homo sapiens going the opposite way and not look back to witness the carnage they leave behind. Standing by one of the subterranean transport stations, it is clear the Yankees fan does not usually use the transportation most of his fellow Manhattanites will use, due to the doubling back and blank look on his face. It looks like the battle will commence soon.
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I’m standing now outside one of Manhattan’s many places of leisure, where alcohol and small pieces of chicken are plentiful and viewing devices are prominently placed in myriad corners. Of the Yankees fans who could not make it to the place of battle on another island, The Bronx, most of them seem to be in these establishments. It is now 8:00 and the excitement is palpable. The Yankees fans are all staring and cheering at the viewing devices. It appears that this battle will take a few hours, so I will find a place among the fans and hunker down to observe as they do.
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It’s now after midnight, and H. bronx is in a fervor! I have never seen such revelry! Even in “the city that never sleeps” most of the inhabitants of this area are asleep, but that doesn’t stop the Yankees fan. Their god emerges victorious from battle and their victory cheers are superior to the vehicles used for emergency that occasionally sound throughout the day and night. They spill out of the leisure establishments, drunk with all the alcohol they have imbibed and the power they now have, and now try to stumble to their domiciles. Taking a quick look around the premises, I notice that some people in the homes above have turned on lights and are yelling at the fans, but to no avail. These proud individuals know no sorrow at this time!
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And so, as homo bronxbomberii leaves the battle arena and the viewing centers, sated with the joy of triumph, I depart as well to rest up for my observation tomorrow of homo exhaustedus, the ones who have to toil the next day after hearing the shout of their fellow Manhattanites.