A request
By now you probably have heard that the governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer, the bastion of decency and anti-corruption, will resign as of Monday amidst a scandal of spending $80,000 on high-priced prostitutes. The Lieutenant Governor will be taking over for the rest of the term.
Men, if you think you might be in the public eye for anything other than America’s Most Wanted or YouTube video of the hour, please, for the love of all that is good, keep it in your pants. Resist the urge to be stupid. It’ll come back to humiliate you if you’re lucky. You can lose everything if you’re not.
And if you’re found with your pants down near a glory hole in the men’s bathroom, don’t emphasize that you’re not gay. It’s not only incredibly stupid, it opens up my mind to all sorts of things you might be into, but you’re “not that way”. And I don’t want to think of you more than I have to.
Thank you.